General Musings

Is life hitting me with signs?

I am coming to the end of 2016, and I am starting to look back, reflect, evaluate on what has been unquestionably a strange year. A year with great highs and deep lows.

And I wonder, did certain things happen to give me a sign, a shake up,  a call to action and have I ignored them and only now looking back do I realise that I should be taking more heed?

Firstly, the highs; moving out into our first home, doing well at work and getting a promotion, standing up as a bridesmaid for my friend, feeling generally happy and satisfied in my personal life.

But then there are the lows, or rather the signs; in April of this year me and C went on a holiday to the Lake District, had a lovely time overall except we happened to find a person who had died, while we were on a walk.We did what we could, called the emergency services, talked to the police but there was nothing to be done for the poor person as it appeared to be a heart attack. It was a strange incident. Really unsettled us, but also just made you realise that life is short and you never know what is going to happen.

It was probably about then that I decided to make a career change, move on, really try to get back on to something I wanted to do, but I applied for other things and also let practicality take over and went for an internal job at work within my team as it was one of those ‘stupid not to do it’ moments. And I got the job which meant a promotion and a pay rise, all lovely things and I was pleased but it felt kind of hollow.

Then literally a week after accepting the job (perhaps even less when I think about it) I started getting ill, like really ill out of the blue, no cause.

Of course about five weeks later, and botched Dr’s appointments, I then ended up in hospital which led to my Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis. Which is fine, it’s sorted (sort of – currently in remission) and I have come back to work. But I am not feeling satisfied or enjoying it.

Perhaps I am being ungrateful, selfish? But I really can’t help but think that I had two pretty big events happen in my life this year that reinforced that life, mortality, is short and fragile and should you really spend your days being unhappy for the sake of being practical.

So I am looking back and looking to 2017 and I feel life is hitting me with the signs that I need to make a change, need to act and stop being afraid to take a risk to be happy. I don’t want to make it three times the charm after all.

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