General Musings

Work Hierarchy – necessary?

*FULL DISCLOSURE THIS IS ME HAVING A RANT*

Firstly, let me point out that I am not against a hierarchy, I do believe it is good to know where you stand, your role in a team and how it all fits together especially if blended with a good helping of democracy and team cohesiveness.

I don’t however like hierarchy at work that instils a lack of free thought, free thinking and belittles other team members and their input. Or undermines an act of politeness or kindness.

Certainly you shouldn’t harass your seniors for no reason, and you should go through the proper channels but to get told that politeness is a crime and that sending a simple personal thank you is a problem or ‘unprofessional’ because they are a senior team member just baffles me, when did it become so hierarchical that one human being nice to another human was some inner working political nightmare?

For me a hierarchy is more knowing your role in a jigsaw, a circle if you will. Not a top down pyramid where information is a precious commodity that only the select few know, that you sit have a chat/discussion but ultimately your input doesn’t matter, where they want you to ‘take the initiative/be pro-active’ but ultimately the decision is never yours, where they want you to own that project/event/piece of work but they hold all the information – your basically an administrator for their idea and it’s not your project……again.

I just don’t see the point of hierarchy like that as it belittles, demotivates and just generally inspires ill-will and you don’t want to engage anymore as you really wonder what is the point of doing so?

Perhaps I am just moaning about what happens everywhere in the workplace but is it idealistic of me to think that there are better working environments, better jobs and just better satisfaction out there? I don’t want to just rush off and leave and find myself feeling the same though, I really want to think about my next move and where I am going.

Anyway – rant over – sorry folks!

Advertisements
General Musings

Senseless.

I really can’t think of anything else that sums up today. Senseless. What a senseless waste of life, what a senseless tragedy to happen.

Already you are seeing the blame game, the anger, the hate simmering out of people as the reality sinks in and more information comes to light.

But I don’t want to focus on who did it, and why, there is no justifiable reason why someone would blow up a bomb at a concert full of young innocent people. This person don’t represent a faith, a community, a city, they represent nothing. Because that is what they are; nothing.

We should  focus on the people who lost their lives and the fantastic people, no matter who they are, that came together to help last night purely because as a human race there is more good than evil. Focus on anyone, anything, but that single individual who deserves none of our attention.

I don’t want this atrocity to be used as an excuse to propel forward an agenda, to be politicised, to be pulled apart and analysed, to further cause rifts by twisting and distorting facts. I don’t believe lost innocence should be used to propel hate.

It was one person. One individual who caused this tragedy and we really shouldn’t give them the satisfaction of dividing us all, by doing so we reward them and act as they want us too. Instead I would rather focus on those who have united, stood up against that divisiveness and chosen not to hate, not to succumb.

By remaining united we remain victorious against their ideals and against fear-mongering.

General Musings, Lifestyles

Making Positive Steps to Create Change

I am feeling pretty positive at the moment as I really feel like in my work life I have started to take back some control, have some agency in my own future rather than just waiting.

As I previously mentioned I haven’t been particularly happy at work. I just feel that I have been doing rather than enjoying my job.Which sucks for me as I need to feel passionate about what I am doing and engaged.

I do realise that I have to take accountability for my situation, I made the decision to apply and go for my current job last year and was accepted, but if I am honest I applied for it as a sensible option rather than as a dream job, I really want to take this career move kind of deal. So that was never great foundations.

Still, I came back and I have been trying, I’ve never been someone who wants to produce bad work and I have been giving 100% as much as possible, but for me at the moment it’s a really hard 100% and I feel less than engaged. At first I thought it was maybe because I was coming back after illness and I was taking time to re-adjust etc. But really the feeling hasn’t gone away and the longer I have been in the position the more I know it is not right for me, and it was the wrong move.

But I decided to stop being negative and start creating the changes I want and making positive steps to create this change.

Steps:
1. Keeping in the Loop
Currently we are undergoing a team restructure/re-vamp where I work with our new Director.We don’t all know what is happening or the full details, this is being discussed with the Heads of teams and we are gleaning tidbits. However, I specifically spoke to my old manager who I have a very good relationship with to see what was going on and get a general lay of the land.Which proved very helpful and opened up potential avenues to work within a new style team (under my old manager) that I feel sound more interesting.

2. Looking back at Career
I really took some time out to re-consider all my past jobs, their experiences and the areas that I have enjoyed within these roles so that even if I feel the new team and it’s potential roles and work sound interesting I am not just doing it as a desperate measure to leave my current place.

3. Talking to People
This was a key one for me, particularly talking to my old manager about how I have been feeling and expressing an interest in where I want to see my career develop in the future and just getting advice on how to approach it. It also means that they have been a really good advocate for me, and in restructure talks have it in mind that I want a change.

4.Being Active in Promoting Myself
Although I had the support of other people I wanted to be pro-active and talk to my Director directly about how I was feeling, where I saw myself etc. I was lucky in that following an earlier one to one, and the talks he had been having, that he wasn’t too surprised about what I had to say and was exceptionally receptive and agreed that I need that change. So this felt very positive. Even though he was receptive it felt much nicer for me to know that I had been pro-active and hadn’t just relied on other people, as it is my career that I need to control. I  have a follow up next week, post when the proposed changes go to the board and prior to them being discussed with the whole team, so I am intrigued as to what will be discussed.

These aren’t necessarily revolutionary steps. Just the things that I did but they have massively helped my outlook as I feel less passive. So while they are  only little steps, sometimes that is just what you need.

General Musings

Blog Refresh

So as one of my resolutions I said I would refresh my blog, and today I did! I haven’t done much in the content department but I have superficially altered it, changing the theme.I think this style looks fresher, and cleaner to me – but any thoughts welcome.

I am getting there with how I want this blog to look and feel, slowly but surely.

I think my next big step is to focus on what I want the content to be as it is rather general at the moment. Which isn’t a bad thing, and maybe it might be best to start up another one that is more focused??

I’ll have a think.

xoxo

General Musings, Lifestyles, Ulcerative Colitis

My First Colonoscopy

Not necessarily a title I thought I would be writing when I started this blog over two years ago, then again I didn’t imagine I was going to end up in hospital last year and be diagnosed with a life long chronic illness.

But hey, that’s how the cookie crumbles.

As I am now technically in remission and have been pretty solid since leaving hospital last September (a little too solid if you look at my waistline…), at my last appointment I was told I would be scheduled in for a colonoscopy to see how my ulcerative colitis was looking after the outbreak and to get a clearer view of current scarring and progression.

I don’t think anyone likes the sound of a colonoscopy and what it entails. I know that I certainly wasn’t! But it would have been more idiotic to not go and get checked. Sooo…

Prep:
I didn’t realise how rigorous the prep for a colonoscopy was, and that you started it up to really a week before with phasing out iron supplements, only eating low fibre and no caffeine two days before ‘prep’ day, and then the amount of meds you take on the day. Ironically, with my current condition I would never submit myself to that amount of laxatives – too many summer 2016 flashbacks. It also didn’t help that I couldn’t have caffeine on an event day…..#eventprofessionalstruggle

In all honesty though, my prep went well, yes it wasn’t fun racing to the toilet more frequently and I was starving by the next morning. But I was good and kept myself hydrated, and seemed to avoid majorly bad stomach cramps, probably because I followed the stuff to the letter – and hell low fibre meant I could have that pastry for breakfast after my event day….heavenly!

Colonoscopy:
I was lucky in that my Mum was able to drive me to and from the hospital on the day, so I could have the sedative. By the time I got to the appointment (luckily in the morning) I was starving – and was avoiding food TV shows – though somehow it was still on at the hospital – burgers, torture! But I have to say the hospital and the staff in Endoscopy at John Radcliffe were so prompt, really quick and I wasn’t hanging around very long.

I don’t like needles – and needles really don’t go into me very well – but this time the Dr was really good and got the cannula in the vein first time. So a bonus! If I am honest I cant really tell how long the procedure was, it seemed very quick, but I suppose I was dopey on sedative and oxygen, I do know I was chatting to the Dr – it relaxes me. But it was pretty painless overall, and I can’t say I felt uncomfortable.

Recovery:
Pretty quick, of course my blood pressure would drop, but it was minimal, and I am not surprised as I usually have low blood pressure.I am sure I did in the hospital last year, but other than that I was fine and I got a cup of tea & a biscuit – heaven! The main drama was trying to contact my Mum to bring me my clothes as she had gone for a coffee and there was rubbish phone signal…typical!

Outcome?
I still need to have a follow up with the IBD Clinic and with my local surgery to discuss the results, overall things seemed fine, though I had a lot of polyps which I think the Dr wants to get down, but as I had a pretty severe outbreak last year, he wasn’t surprised they were there, but he wants to evaluate my medicines. But I didn’t get any major alarm bells. So I don’t feel worried.

Then best of all after the procedure I went with my Mum to the Garden centre to have a mooch and eat lunch – all I had was a pretty standard tuna mayo jacket, but  it tasted oh so so so nice. I even saw bunnies to boot. So it wasn’t really a dramatic day, and if anything I felt more hungry and tired from the experience than sore and rubbish. So definitely better than I expected.

Sorry if this was a long post – and potentially boring for some! But I hope it informed others about to have a colonoscopy in some way, yes it is not the nicest thing to have to do but really it is not the worst and it’s  a procedure that can save your life.

 

 

 

 

General Musings

Giving myself time every week.

I have decided, and it won’t be easy, to commit to giving myself at least one evening/day every week to do something for me.

This boils down to me realising that if I really want to be able to reflect, move forward and make decisions I also need to dedicate some time to me every week, whether it  is a whole day, a 1/2 day or just an evening it is just important that I find that time.

This basically feeds into one of my resolutions, objectives, for 2017 to get back in to doing some hobbies that I love and really just giving myself some me time, still being a little selfish.

It doesn’t really matter what I am doing. As long as it is something I want to do; reading, writing, learning a language…just anything!

But I need to be really resolute about it though and do it.I so often just let myself get distracted, or pulled along in other waves. So no, no to distraction, no to feeling annoyed because I haven’t got something I wanted done ,and just no to not supporting myself. I will give myself time, and I will make that time happen.